Choosing an engagement ring from photographs is one thing. Putting it on your hand is another.

A ring you have saved twenty times on Instagram can feel completely different once you are actually wearing it. The stone may look larger or smaller than you expected. A setting you thought would be too detailed can suddenly feel perfectly balanced. The shape you were certain about might not be the one you keep looking at once it is on your finger.

That is why I always think trying rings on is such an important part of understanding what you actually like.

Look at the whole ring, not just the centre stone

It is very easy to become focused on the diamond or sapphire itself, particularly when you have already spent time researching carat weights, shapes and proportions.

But once the ring is on your hand, you see the design as a whole.

The width of the band, the height of the setting, the size of any side stones and the amount of metal visible around the centre all affect how the ring feels. Two rings with very similar centre stones can look completely different because of the way those stones have been set.

When I am looking at a ring on the hand, I am looking at the relationship between all of those elements rather than one specification in isolation.

Pay attention to proportion

There is no ideal stone size for a particular hand.

A larger diamond is not automatically going to look better, and a more delicate stone does not necessarily disappear. The setting has just as much influence on how much presence a ring has.

An elongated oval or marquise can give a very different impression from a round stone of a similar carat weight. Diamond side stones can make the centre feel wider across the finger. A solitaire leaves more space around the stone and can make its outline much more noticeable.

This is one of the reasons I would never choose purely from a carat number.

Look at how the ring sits across your finger and whether the proportions feel right to you.

Move your hand

Do not only look at the ring with your hand held perfectly still.

Turn it towards the light. Look at it from the side. Let your hand fall naturally rather than holding it in the traditional engagement-ring-photo position.

Jewellery is made to move with you.

The side profile will tell you things a photograph from above cannot. You will see how high the stone sits, how much of the setting is visible and whether the ring feels comfortable between your fingers.

You will also get a much better sense of how the stone catches the light when you are actually wearing it.

Try something you did not come in for

If you are certain you want an oval solitaire, try the oval solitaire.

Then try something else.

A trilogy. A round diamond. A coloured sapphire. A setting with more detail than you thought you would choose.

You do not have to change your mind. Trying something different simply gives you something to compare your original choice with.

It is surprisingly difficult to know what “simple”, “bold” or “delicate” means to you until you have two very different rings sitting next to each other.

Think about the wedding band earlier than you think you need to

The engagement ring does not have to be chosen around a future wedding band, but it is worth looking at the side profile and understanding how another ring could sit beside it.

Some engagement rings allow a straight wedding band to sit flush against them. Others naturally create a small gap or work better with a curved or shaped band.

Neither is better.

It is simply useful to know which look you prefer before you have fallen in love with a setting.

I would never leave the wedding band entirely out of the conversation when trying on engagement rings, because the two will eventually be worn together far more often than they will be seen separately.

Notice which ring you keep returning to

After trying several rings, there is usually one you want to put back on.

Pay attention to that.

It might not be the most expensive ring, the largest diamond or the design closest to what you originally had saved on your phone. You might not even be able to explain immediately why you prefer it.

You do not need to.

Trying on engagement rings is partly about gathering information. You begin to see whether you prefer more or less metal, whether you like a stone sitting higher or lower, whether you are drawn to symmetry, colour, side stones or a completely clean solitaire.

Those small reactions tell you far more than trying to decide what you are supposed to like.

The aim is not to find the ring that looks best in a photograph.

It is to find the one you keep looking at when it is on your own hand.